Martha Lawry:"I love the concept of sharing in Azerbaijan, and I think it is a good example that Americans can learn from."

    Martha Lawry

When I moved to Azerbaijan, one of the first cultural differences I had to adapt to was sharing things. As an American, I grew up with a strong concept of possessions. (This is mine; that is yours.)Some American families even train their children not to touch their siblings’ toys or go into their bedrooms without permission. Each child has his/her own toys, clothes, books, and other things. As I child, I even had my own scissors with my name on them.

But in Azerbaijan, I was quickly introduced to the idea that everything gets shared. If the family has one pair of scissors, it belongs to everyone, and everyone will use it. Books, cell phone adaptors, nail polish--  these are not “mine” or “yours;” they are just “ours” in the family.

Azerbaijani people are also good at sharing space. When I was growing up, my sisters and I had our own seats at the kitchen table. For one season of life when my older sister and I sat on a long wooden bench to eat, my parents had to divide the bench with a line of tape down the middle to keep us from bothering each other during the meal. I have seen many families where each child has his/her own bedroom, and sometimes they even write signs on the door to remind the other children not to enter, like “Brothers not allowed.” But here in Azerbaijan, people study, sleep, and store their things in multiple rooms in the house, and it is also common to share a yard with a neighboring house full of relatives. This creates a natural flow of family members and extended relatives back and forth between houses, bonding people together and creating camaraderie.

The same idea of sharing also applies to food: when most Americans eat a snack, they eat it alone. If an American student buys a chocolate bar, he will usually just eat it by himself, even if he’s with friends. But here, if you buy a chocolate bar, you break it into a dozen pieces and pass it around. If you cut up an apple, everyone in the room gets a slice. Even at a wedding when there is a big plate of fruit in the middle of the table, someone who takes time to cut up or peel a piece of fruit will pass pieces of it to the people around them.

People in Azerbaijan are quicker to pay for other people’s purchases or bus fares than people in the US. Usually, American students who go out to eat together in a café each pay for their own meals. In some parts of the US, there is even an “unspoken rule” that if a boy and a girl go to a café as friends, they each pay for their own food. But if the boy pays for the girl’s food, then their rendezvous is considered a “date” and sometimes this is the first indication to the girl that the boy is romantically interested in her. Coming from this background, you can imagine why I felt concerned the first time a male acquaintance paid my bus fare in Baku!

I love the concept of sharing in Azerbaijan, and I think it is a good example that Americans can learn from. I believe the idea of sharing goes much deeper than some superficial wish for equality. It stems from the Azerbaijani ideals of hospitality, respect and attention.  People are very sensitive to each other’s feelings, to the point that it would seem disrespectful to eat something without offering to share it or to accept a compliment about an accessory without offering to give it to the person making the compliment.

If an Azerbaijani housewife makes a big batch of jam, for example, she gives a portion of it (maybe a jar or two) to her close relatives and friends. This shows how much she cares about them. Some people think it is rude to grill kebab outdoors and then not to give some of it to their neighbors who can smell it cooking—this shows their attention toward their neighbors. In the same way, it would be very rude to have a noisy birthday party too close to a house where people are mourning a recent death (but this isn’t something that neighbors in America take into consideration very often). People in Azerbaijan often think of others’ needs and desires before their own. I really respect that because it is the model I also strive to follow. The Injil says “Don’t do anything only to get ahead. Don’t do it because you are proud. Instead, be humble. Value others more than yourselves. None of you should look out just for your own good. Each of you should also look out for the good of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). I think Azerbaijanis are naturally better at following this model than Americans.

Let me close with one example of how Azerbaijani sharing has affected me. One evening I was tired and I just wanted to spend time alone at home, but the neighbors invited me and my Azerbaijani host family to their house for tea because one neighbor had received a bonus and a certificate at work that day. They were celebrating his achievement, and they bought a cake to share with all the relatives and neighbors so we could rejoice with them. Even though I wasn’t in the mood to join in, I decided that the desires of the group were probably more important than my own feelings, so I went to the party. While I was there, I realized that it is beautiful how Azerbaijani families share their emotions. If one person has a problem, they all rush to solve it. If one person is celebrating, they all celebrate with him. By the time the party was over, I realized that I felt much happier. I am grateful to my community in Azerbaijan for sharing so much of their wisdom with me!